DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA

Posted: August 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

Here’s a joke I’ve seen once or twice a year but it’s still makes me laugh. There’s so much truth in it that the funny tears just keep building up. Well written!

Language warning for anyone that don’t need that in their lives.

August 31
– Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in

Karratha, Western Australia.

Now this is a town that knows how to live!

Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.

I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.

It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my new home. I love it here.

September 13 – Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.

No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned

car.

What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a

sun-worshipper – no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!

September 30 – Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots

of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but

I love it here. It’s Paradise!

October 10 – The temperature hasn’t been below 35 all week.

How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s windy

though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we

expected.

October 15 – Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over

60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do..

Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20 – Didn’t notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I

left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,

Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the

upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit. I’ve learned my

lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25 – This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant fucking blow

dryer. And it’s hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and

the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order

parts from fucking Perth ……The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30 – The temperature’s up around 40 and the parts still haven’t

arrived for the fucking air conditioner. House is an oven so we’ve all been

sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we

can’t even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4 – Finally got the fucking air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500

and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes

it feel about 35. Stupid repairman. Fucking thief.

November 8 – If one more smart bastard says ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m

going to fucking throttle him. Fucking heat! By the time I get to work, the

car radiator is boiling over, my fucking clothes are soaking fucking wet and

I smell like baked cat. Fucking place is the end of the Earth.

November 9 – Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on

the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my fucking arse was on

fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off

my fucking arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked

cat.

Fuck. Fuck.. Fuck.

November 10 — The Weather report might as well be a fucking recording.. Hot

and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and fucking sunny. It never fucking changes!

It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 fucking months and the weatherman

says it might really warm up next week. Fuck!

November 15 – Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn fucking place? Water

restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and

blow into the fucking pool. The only things that thrive in this fucking

hell-hole are the fucking flies. You don’t dare open your mouth for fear of

swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!

November 20 – Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 fuckin’ degrees today. Now the

air conditioner’s gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said,

‘Hot enough for you today?’ I wanted to shove the fucking car up his fucking

arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of

jail for assaulting the stupid prick.

Fucking Karratha! What kind of sick, demented fucking idiot would want to

live here!

December 1 – WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are fucking kidding

me!

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